#brain is a scary place
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My brain telling me to change a bunch of things I wrote already on paper because it just HAD to come up with something even more evil.
Guess my fic is getting a darker makeover.
But comfort at the end. (Whenever I get there)
#cal kestis#jedi survivor#I have to listen to my brain#sorry Cal#fic writing#brain is going a mile a minute#whump#brain is a scary place
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Our Flag Means Death 1x4 | 1x6 | 2x6 | 2x7 ⇉ if the bed nook could talk...
#ngl it's driving me bonkers a little that ed was about to kill stede IN the bed nook like behind the curtains#and the scene is filmed so erotically??#the lighting and ed's low voice when he says “scary as hell” and the hand he gently places on stede's back#and instead of killing stede he relives his trauma related to killing#and stede takes care of him so so gently and that scene is ALSO very intimate#they could've just as easily put jim's shadow show in the bed nook and ed's hiding place in the library nook but no#they put ed and stede together in the bed nook#and it's the only other time they're both in there with stede drawing the curtains closed BUT we're behind the curtain with them#sorry this just set off a lot of thoughts on my latest rewatch aksdhjsk THERE'S SOMETHING THERE#also i know i made a similarly themed set with just the 1x4 and 2x7 scenes but the “murder attempt” scene being one of these 4 intimate one#with the two of them together in there#idk i've been rotating it in my brain#ofmd#ofmd s2#our flag means death#ofmdedit#ofmdsource#ofmd gifs#ida.stuff#ofmd 1x4#ofmd 1x6#ofmd 2x6#ofmd 2x7#edward teach#stede bonnet#blackbonnet#gentlebeard
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Damian + Jon: [playing Minecraft]
Dami: I've secured us some suitable living conditions. We will be safe from enemies now.
Jon: nice oneeeee now help me mine for iron plz you need armor so bad noob
Dami: don't call me that. I've killed people in real life.
Jon: ya ok noob
Dami: 😡😡
(some time later, when they return to the house) (to paint the scene: it is small, square in shape, and it's obvious Damian had no idea how to build a proper house, since a lot of it is made with dirt, which is a very convenient block but makes for an ugly.. ugly build)
Jon: aren't you like.. into art? Why did you build it with dirt??
Dami: it's about functionality right now, for safety. Tomorrow I will begin renovations. Obviously.
Jon: right..
[they enter the house. There is a chest, a crafting table, a furnace, and a double-bed at the side of the room]
Jon: omg... you put our beds together?? Omg I knew you loved me 😭😭😭😭 woooow 😭😭😭😭
Damian: [immediately breaks one of the beds to move it away to the other wall] now you've made it weird. It was for convenience.
#Hey it's me back at it again with the 4am post#they're rattling around inside my brains#in my heart the timey wimey bs never happens and they're 10 forever and being funny#me when I bring coal home to my friends at the server and place it in all the furnaces so nobody#has to go hungry or glassless#bc windows are a RIGHT in my MC society#i love mc but I played it so long ago and now it's so different and scary#so many things... daunting#anyway I wrote this last night mid-breakdown at 4am but got self conscious and didn't post it HAHAHAHA#anyway I'll release it now#he didn't mind sharing a bed with bestie UNTIL bestie made it weird#damijon#i need to cure my mental health but how can I when they're rattling around in there?#jondami#jon kent#damian wayne
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some Lights Out au scribbles. thinking about Sally... thinking about her A Lot... shhhh she's sleeping<3
#okay so i said that i wasnt gonna flesh out this au. im a fucking liar#i made. i made a doc. ive been trying to pin down what i want this au to be#my brains not cooperating!#its like 'heres a general vibe and some vague images'#thank you!!! thats absolutely useless!!! tell me what its about!!!#im starting to get an idea tho. its in the brain rotisserie. braintisserie. rotibrainerie#i think i need to go sleep#scribble salad#welcome home au#wh lights out au#welcome home#IM HAVING FUN WITH IT THO#leaning into the horror#wally is not having a good time!!! no one is!!!#the dark is a scary place full of scary things#but at least they cant see you if you hide
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my old blorbos are back in my brain
heart pirates my absolute beloved. shame theyre chillin somewhere in the ocean lol (do not mention the pre-time skip hats of penguin and shachi I'm still attached even tho its already been a million years since then)
anyway every time i remember that Law and Kid are assigned german and Scottish by Oda i gain one hundred years
#one piece#trafalgar law#heart pirates#penguin#shachi#kidlaw#weary sigh- i am never getting out of this place#OP has been in my brain since -checks watch- like 2016 I think? and there is no escape#like every few months this stupidass anime/manga just grabs my brain again for a month or so hdjkhkd#its terminal#anyway as a long time enjoyer of heart pirates-crys-hjdsfhkdhfk#i come back after a long time and this is the status update i get??? anyway fly high polar tang o7#btw if theres any mistakes in the german bits I'm sorry i did study german for a few years as my third language of choice but#im not super confident in it so hdsjfhk sorry#but the first bit with vergo is partly a reference to a meme that i saw some time ago and that completely took me out#and should translate i think into 'yea yea whatever. you wanker' and 'sorry. you(formal) wanker'#hajsdhkd#and the one with kid hopefully says 'oh yeah mirrors can be scary'#oh well and thats about it cheers#id say read one piece but actually dont its at 1088 chapters now#and just the catching up that i did in the past few days absolutely took me out lmao#but hey this is prolly my oldest going-on fandom that i still feel the need to come back from time to time lol o7
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chat do not be alarmed i really think he’s weaseling his way into becoming one of my ult mains ……..
#VERYYY high honor it’s funky’s place………#y’all are gonna have to share a room …….#like im VERYYY monkey ball Brained im actively playing all the switch games rb im drawing a lot they’re on my mind.#something scary is a foot…..#🦍💚💪🏽#txt
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Can you share some of your favorite bat facts? I wanna add more to my lil arsenal of cool random facts. :]
Of course! Apologies for the late response, I saw this at like 1am four days ago, forgot everything I knew about bats, and then fell asleep and only remembered I even got this ask today. Anyways! Some bat facts :)
Common Vampire bats are some of my absolute favourites, mostly because of their ability to run on the ground! They can gallop with their forelimbs and take off from the ground by leaping into the air and catapulting themselves with their wings, which is speculated to be how Pterodactyls took off as well! Most bats cannot take off from the ground, and must be elevated to take flight, so this is pretty cool. Makes sense too, since they mostly feed from the ankles of large mammals and so need ground maneuverability!
Here's a video of a vamp taking off, and here's a video of one walking around! I think their skittery movements and lil' faces are just the CUTEST, but I know I'm probably in the minority there. Also there's a large dish of blood in the second video, so fair warning there!
All three true Vampire bats have evolved special grooves in their mouths in order to act as a gutter of sorts to funnel the blood into their mouths, but the exact arrangement differs between them. The Hairy-Legged Vampire bat has a groove along the roof of the mouth, whereas the White-Winged and Common Vampire bats have lingual grooves under the tounge! Speaking of White-Winged Vampire bats, they're the only bats in the world with 22 teeth, for some reason (likely no reason since the molars are vestigial), AND they have scent glands in their mouths that might be used to deter predators. Pretty cool stuff!
Finally, all three species of true Vampire Bats are cute as hell. Look at these lil' guys!!
(left to right- White-winged, Hairy-legged, and Common Vampire bats!)
#idk why the vampire theme these guys are just always on the brain. I love them so much#they aren't scary at all! being a hematophage doesn't automatically make a creature scary or bad in any way#No worse than being a carnivore. the blood to blood contact makes them vectors for disease but that's not their fault#besides so would being carnivorous if they didn't have to kill their prey most of the time lol#I love and appreciate these beasts. They have an important place in the ecosystem and should be respected. the best that can be done#to mitigate the diseases they are vectors for are vaccination efforts and improved accessibility to healthcare#but that's a wholee other discussion lol. hate that i feel the need to go on the defensive when saying i like an animal I'm passionate abou#ANYWAYS tag ramble over. thank you for the ask!!! always love an excuse to talk about bats haha#ask#raybytheway#bat#common vampire bat#white-winged vampire bat#hairy-legged vampire bat
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Kiyotaka is freaky and we love him for that <3
Wants to turn into underwear wants a body pillow of mondo list goes on really, wish we got more bat shit crazy confessions from him
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how is a girl to sleep when she can’t stop obsessively looking at apartments 🙃
#we found 1 nice place and now my brain is in overdrive#we live in a city with a shit ton of colleges and we need to move august 1#when literally everyone else is also moving#plus we have 3 cats and literally every place 1500 and under pet friendly are janky as hell#everything is scary dungeon basements and skinny stair cases in 100 year old buildings with no ac#wish us luck lmao
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Trying to take some time today to write some prompt fills and remind my brain that it still knows how to write. It is... proving challenging. But I will do it, dammit.
#bjk talks#personal venting crap - feel free to ignore#this week has not been a good one and tbh i had the worst anxiety attack of my life on tuesday night#and it honestly feels like whatever fight-or-flight went along with that made my brain put all my ideas in cold storage#kind of a very scary emptiness in place of where all my ideas were on monday#i know i can find it again - i hope i can at least#but it does Not Feel Good#bjk writing rambles
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Having depression is inherently depressing.
That is – when every tiny task is utterly exhausting, it's pretty frustrating. When you once weren't exhausted by these tasks – when you know you used to be someone else – that's downright devastating. When you're wondering whether you're going to get that energy back and not knowing, that's also exhausting.
When you are feeling inherently more stupid because depression has cognitively ruined you, that's embarrassing and confusing and so upsetting. When you are unsure whether you will ever get your old cognition back, that's terrifying. When you do not, in fact, ever return to pre-depression baseline, that's just exhausting.
When you are numb, trying to go through the motions of happiness; sadness; fear; frustration; and phatic interest is so, so tiring. When you cannot effectively perform these emotion states, it is embarrassing and isolating.
When you are too tired and too numb to be social, you are alone.
'What do you have to be depressed about?' Well, this disease is inherently giving me something to be depressed about. And it's very easy to want to cling to that, because at least it's an answer.
And frankly, I think folks who haven't gone through depression may not understand that oftentimes, recovery from a bad episode is kinda piecemeal. My cognition, my disposition, and my capacity for optimism are all substantially altered from where they were pre–depression. I cannot take the person I used to be for granted, and I cannot take the beliefs I used to hold as gospel. Even when I'm not depressed, depression has altered most parts of my life and thoroughly warped my sense of self. I cannot safely believe in baseline happiness at this point.
I'm not saying this to complain, but to make a point. Depression alters your life in ways that, even outside of a depressive episode, give you things to be depressed about. It can completely ruin your sense of who you are, what your world is, and what your future holds. It makes it that much more tempting to believe in the depression narrative of loneliness and helplessness, and it makes those narratives subjectively very real. All of this makes the depression (should it return) and its consequences (however monumentally they've carved into your life) so much harder to deal with.
#i'm ok rn. however now that i'm on sertraline i think i reserve my right to rant#there is a pre-depression dorian and a post-depression dorian#cognitively and energy-wise i still haven't recovered from 2022. i'm doing way better than i was but baseline is not the same#and when i go low my brain jumps right into a trashcan and my whole body gets heavy with exhaustion and apathy#and it's scary. cause i don't wanna go back to that place i was in in 2022#anyways. this post is for anyone who's every had to justify why they were depressed#depression#major depression#major depressive disorder#persistent depressive disorder#dysthymia#mood disorders#mental health
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I wrote this whole long thing in my notes app. I'm not even sure it makes sense (I'm dealing with a migraine) but all these thoughts were rattling around in my brain and I had to get them out. I'm too tired/lazy/in pain to rewrite it all so screenshots it is.
For the three people who actually see my posts, please enjoy my incoherent ramblings - or I'm sorry you had to bear witness to this (whichever applies) ✌🏻
All this madness brought to you by this @911bts post (tumblr is being dumb and won't let me link):
#the inner workings of my brain#a scary place at times#and just wildly confounding at others#i just have a lot of feelings about bobby/eddie parallels#and apparently maddie gets smushed in there too#bobby nash#eddie diaz#maddie buckley#911 spoilers#tv: 911#911 abc#911 on abc#911#9 1 1 abc
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hmm so originally demon neil was gonna be a longfic, but then i decided it would be a series with a bunch of smaller fics making up the story
BUT i just realized if i do that i have to come up with 5 bazillion goddamn fic titles >:( evil world
#also! i still don't know what demonneil andrew's job is gonna be.#of the options i like i know the most about librarian-ing. so. leaning that way but i don't think it's the funnest way to go#i mean it's appealing bc a library is a quiet place and it would be great to have andrew suddenly snapping at his demon to shut up!#in the Quiet Place#but... i could always just have him go to the library for that if i wanted.#mm i have ideas for how neil could be annoying if andrew were a tattoo artist or a bakery assistant as well.#so we shall see...#chapter 3/ part 3 of the series should be andrew learning to go to work with a demon in his brain... i believe#that's how it's outlined anyway#fuck if i know how's it's actually gonna go down#also! i have arson neil plotted/outlined for the next bit >:3 and i'm sooooooo hyped#but the curse is upon me and the brain fog is Thick so i can't actually write the Real Thing >:(#ANNOyING#andddd i also have some vampdrew plotted but i'm missing the little piece that comes between what's posted and what i have Planned >:(#and angel neil is... well i have him outlined (have for a Long Time)#like since that night my computer crashed and i thought i lost the angel neil file 4ever (if yall remember that. it was a long while ago an#but so scary TWT)#uhhhh the mer au is really the only one that's just dangling...#like i know what's gonna happen but i've made no plan for it#so hmm...#i'm not well in the head today but anywayyyyyyyyy#diaerie
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i'm seeing three times as many people bitching in the tag about the very idea that someone might not like this breed than i see people actually expressing unambiguous dislike for this breed
#the preemptive counter-bitchers are consistently orders of magnitude meaner and more uncharitable about it too#like i'm convinced at this point these people just have these counter-bitches ready to go on launch regardless of actual reception#it's starting to feel like they just fill out a generic “what moral failing can i accuse the potential idea of dislikers of” template#and post it as soon as the thing's out whether or not anyone actually complains much less the way they accuse people of#these people are getting to the point that even when it's about something i unambiguously *like* i still have to resist the urge#to comment “fr staff aren't gonna fuck you bro”#there's like 11 different posts all insisting that the only reason anyone could dislike the new breed is fatphobia#meanwhile i scrolled down the entire tag and found like 2. maybe 3 people that even mentioned it in the same post as disliking the breed#before anyone gets ideas i'm generally-neutral-to-appreciative of the attempt at moldbreaking on the breed#and am completely indifferent the weight of dragons. the only thing i care about is if the design is original and interesting#a vast majority of the dislike posts i've seen so far have been in the vein of “nah man this one's just not for me” or “too maggot”#or “i hoped for an eldritch horror”. and there's not that many of these dislike posts in general. especially compared to normal.#meanwhile the counter-bitching has all been like “YOU'RE ALL JUST GREEDY UNPLEASABLE ENTITLED WHINY BABY FATPHOBES DIE MAD”#it's like this every time and i feel like it takes less and less to get people going like this every time#it almost feels like they get angrier faster the *less* anyone actually complains in the first place#a behavior pattern i'm well versed in from experience with my mother#and they always seem to get angriest at the most mild polite complaint posters rather than any of the actually questionable ones#like they'll ignore someone spouting clear fatphobia to go fling bigotry accusations at someone who just said “eh i kinda hoped for scary”#they also consistently have a bad case of “fr players are a monolith who all ask for the same things”-brain#i don't know what it is that makes it so fr players are so insecure about liking anything that the possible existence of anyone who doesnt#makes them feel like they're being directly attacked#flight rising#i suspect it's downstream of a similar kind of “we know if we don't get what we want we lose our chance because the devs are fickle” thing#to the fundamental flaw that doomed the minecraft mob votes
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literally what a day i am still shaking
#i didn’t realize how scary it would be to teach for the first time😭#like i feel like my social anxiety has gotten so much better over the last few years but this was like.#social anxiety on Crack#i did do really well like i think you’d barely even be able to tell i was nervous#just bc when i’m scared i kind of disassociate and go on auto-pilot so i usually seem fine#but like. i have been replaying every second of it in my brain all day nitpicking for places i messed up#and this one guy made a Comment when i walked in which did not help#genuinely overall it went so well and everyone was so nice#but still. SCARY😭#luckily (?) i will be teaching 4 days a week for the next 2 years.#so i will have plenty of time to get used to it lmao#it’s weird bc i tutor so often but turns out small groups of Children online#is very different than a full class of 18-19 year olds😭#anyway. hopefully i will get Less nervous bc i would hate to feel like this every day
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i followed my heart today and it was nice
#by that i mean i went outside#i do feel :((( bc there was a scary tunnel i wanted to go through#but was told no#but i was like how often do u see a scary tunnel!!!!! I WANNA GO#but yea my brain said stay home and draw#but my heart said no ur friend is in the city u must go be with her that js what u want!!!#my heart also said lets get biryani and hot choco#so i got both#and walked through a park#im glad i went with her because in the end she was very tired and probably wouldn’t have wanted to come over to my place at the eod
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